Meditations

I can’t help but get lost in the sea of his blue eyes when they meet mine.
This passion runs deeper than any fervor my fragile body has known
as it collapses into the new-found and seemingly perfect embrace.
Such an expected gift; to find such solidarity in difference.
I hypnotically daze into thoughts of his gentle fingertips
as they delicately caress every moment of tenderness,
healing wounds into scars where pain ceases to exist.
There’s no past nostalgia that could compete with this present
or the passion that flows between our united existences.
No form has ever shaped so flawlessly with mine.
This timeless intimacy, instant after the first touch of our lips,
echoes premonitions in the cavern of my heart’s desires
and foretells that this fascination will transcend time.
There is a certainty in his laugh that reassures me
all roads before him led to where I’m meant to be.
He strips another layer away to reveal new depths and
I learn to love the world through his light and warmth.
With a leap of faith I suspend all judgment and fear
because trust and certainty has never come so natural.
All those before cannot compare to this one
I know such unwavering loyalty for.
Disquietude fades; the frantic mind is at peace.
As our bodies touch and become one
our souls become one with the universe.

~For Russ~

Summer is a dream and I hope I don’t wake up too soon

Freedom is a feeling often taken for granted by those who know
nothing of adversity, those never imprisoned from life’s voyage.
But emancipated passengers ride life’s journey:
where every moment is random guided by the universe’s logic
but somehow you have faith you’re on the right path
and you will end up where you’re meant to be.
Tomorrow is waiting for your memories while you sleep in anticipation
to awake to the world’s embrace in the warm sunlight of the high nineties
and swim in the river with tanned skin and golden streaks in your hair.
You spin around with arms wide open to catch all the love coming your way
but stay balanced with one eye open and the other dreaming.
There’s no time to waste in melancholy or fear of the unknown.
Life has brought you this far so let go and give into these moments
and everywhere you go you shine and reflect the sun’s brilliance.
Alive in liberty once again and the darkness is lifted from your eyes
to see in water colors and hear the music hidden from your ears for so long.
The night wind whips through open windows and captures your song
sung at the top of your lungs next to your new enthusiast who smiles
at you and makes you believe in love again and the fire in your eyes
never died the passion still crashes against the shore
and you’re breathing deeply to inhale the unbelievable to capture
each moment in your bloodstream and surge through your being
with so much love you’ll explode if you don’t love something.
With your heart pulsing so deep for those around you this summer
you’ll never forget the ocean tides and golden fields
the taste of your new first kiss and how soft his hair feels
you’ll never forget falling asleep when the sun comes up
and dancing all night to the drumming of heart beats
you'll never forget your best friend's smile as you share secrets
spending her last days together so glad she's there with you
feeling your lungs explode in laughter
as the last tear rolls down and evaporates to yesterday
because today is here and life is now and too short to cry
and you need to tear down the old to rebuild anew
though your foundation is laid in concrete and stone
it’s still you beneath the ruins and the beauty shown through all along
all you needed was some sunshine to blossom and grow enough courage
to start living again for yourself to love those who will love you for who you are
and make you a believer in this holy reality too perfect to be true.
If summer is a dream I hope I don't wake up too soon.

Monday

An endless night, a jeep and country road;
he taught me to love driving with no windows
as the cool air of summer’s dusk twirled my hair
he held my hand and smiled.

Out here the fireflies light up the darkness
underneath an endless night sky.
They form their own constellations to follow
and their light guided us home
where we laid in each others awe
and the universe settled my fears
to let go into the abyss of his
painted body; a palette of colors
slender and firm, with the strongest arms
that wrapped around me and kept me safe.

If only for that night and never again
sometimes life gives you little gifts
and even if they last one day
they remind you of the beauty
still left to be found in the world
as if the universe gave you a road sign
that this is where you’re supposed to be
at least for tonight driving in a jeep
on a country road to anywhere.

A Housewife or a Whore

I’m not your wife
I’m not your whore.
I’m not your do-it-yourself kit or your convenience store.

I’m not your scandal
I’m not your mistress
I’m not your partner in crime or your adulteress.

I’m not your escape.
I’m not your privilege.
I’m not your verbal punching bag or trash can for temperamental spillage.

I’m not your trophy.
I’m not your valet.
I’m not your boomerang, I won’t always come back when you throw me away.

I’m not your Barbie.
I’m not your blow up doll.
I’m not your ass kisser.
I’m not your booty call.

I’m not your hitching post or whipping boy.
I’m not your own personal sex toy.

I’m not your Jezebel or concubine.
I’m not your Mary Magdalene
I’m not your pregnant swine.

I’m not your scarlet letter or black Madonna.
I’m not your woman or your baby’s momma.

I’m not your Roxanne.
I’m not your Billy-Jean.
I’m not your motorboat.
I’m not your washing machine.

I’m not your bun’s oven
I’m not your house slave.
I’m not your power drill or microwave.

I’m not your player piano
I’m not your horn blower.
I’m not your drums to be beat
I’m not your riding mower.

I’m not your slut
I’m not your battle ax.
I’m not your little girl
I’m not your bitch to be bitch-slapped.

I’m not your free ride
I’m not your domestic hostage
I’m not your eye candy, lollipop or your throat lozenge.

I’m not a tally mark
I’m not your ball and chain.
I’m not your cheap date.
I’m not your maid.

But what else can I be
when I don’t have a choice.
It’s either one or another:
A house wife or a whore.

Strangers from L.A.

Whispers and sweet nothings

soothe her dry lips

as he leans close to deliver

broken promises of tomorrow.

Nothing matters now.

The wine is gone,

his blue shirt is on the floor

next to their bodies.

In the dark their colors

fade to one their bodies,

a mélange of radiance.

Age and distance cannot

separate such a passion.

When strangers become

lovers and nothing more

as life’s gifts are here now

and will catch a flight out

tomorrow morning.

Kingdom

Take me

Relinquish morals,

unattainable ideals,

unfulfilled expectations

and the futility of promises.

and surrender

to lust

to sin

to the decadence

of forbidden flesh.

Bow

to scandalous opportunities.

Embrace

your primitive nature.

Lower

yourself onto transgression.

Feed

the vanity of your carnal urge.

Indulge

in those earthly delights

your god created you to enjoy

in his organic kingdom.

Set me free:

Show me the urgency

of tonight’s reunion

and the sanctity of this occasion.

Worship this body

as it becomes one

with yours.

Spring

Spring time is around the corner.
New life begins from nothing.
Longer days bring more warmth
from the sun and the promises
of a new tomorrow.
But traces of winter still poke through:
the bitter cold hasn’t left just yet.
Winter’s darkness still holds on
by sprinkling the last of its snow,
freezing the budding flowers trying
to emerge from the hardened ground.

Our darkness still lingers
and we’re both worn from this
bitter cold season of mistakes,
arguments and regrets.
Tired of fighting this biting cold,
struggling to say warm.

And then the sun shines through
and we remember why
we’ve been here all along.
Once the snow has melted
we can see how we’ve forgotten
the beauty of our love’s devotion.

As the seasons change the weather
from bitter cold to glowing warmth
we’re reminded darkness doesn’t last forever.
Traces of winter try to poke through
but the warmth of our love is too strong.

Prayer to the Universe

For all my spiritual gifts of wisdom and intellect, I give thanks
For my limitless imagination and creativity, I give thanks
For my ability to love and empathize with others, I give thanks
For my ability to fall in love and devout myself, I give thanks
For the generous opportunity to prove myself, I give thanks
For the warmth and love from my family, I give thanks
For my ability to see and marvel in all the world’s beauty, I give thanks
For my unique experiences that have shaped my existence, I give thanks
For the strength to overcome my mental darkness, I give thanks
For the gift of inner and outer beauty, I give thanks
For the safety and protection of my loved ones, I give thanks
For the admiration and affection from my friends, I give thanks
For my innate compassion for humanity’s welfare, I give thanks
For my physical wellbeing and enduring health, I give thanks
For all the new opportunities given to me this year, I give thanks
For beginning a journey to find divinity within myself, I give thanks

Om Namah Shivaya

The Passion (In four parts)

I – Surprise

There’s a familiar nervousness sweeping between

our parallel bodies so close in whirlwinds of

exhilaration beneath new truths and self evident

revelations dripping from my thirsty lips hungering

for the oasis of yours to submerge and sink deeper

into this moment and drown in your arms.

II – Unnatural

Seduce me.

Your habits I despise:

The life you lead and

popularity of wasted youth

disgusts me.

But your eyes undress me

and the thought

of your tongue on my body

warms me.

Unexpected attraction

of worthy adversaries

breaks down years of dogma

to allow carnal desires

to erupt and flow.

And I swoon in the fever of our deviance.

I lure you closer as hell freezes over

and our fury melts icy judgments

while our two bodies

become one contradiction.

We both want this

forbidden

unnatural

union.

III – Disappointment

A carcass festers tonight

beneath a full moon.

The biggest one in centuries.

Lifeless limbs lay still

blue eyes rolled back

a once beautiful chest

ripped apart rib cage broken

no breathing but a heart

beating in frigid air.

Solitary senselessness

to have expectations

in a senseless world.

IV – Beauty

There’s a soft lullaby soothing

this discord. We lay entwined

becoming one while

the darkness protects us.

Tonight is ours to keep

and hold each other without fear.


You softly apologize and graze

my lips once again with whispers

of revelation.

I abandon my logic to your touch

as we both know the truth

of this moment when your body

finds symmetry with mine

to harmonize in this duet

of beauty.

The Beginning

He strips his tie from his neck and throws it on the bar

Next to his glass of whiskey next to my martini

His voice is soft and subtle like a night ocean tide

I can’t imagine him ever screaming at me.

He tells me stories I wish I could have lived

And I laugh nervously to think I can’t keep up.

As we sit in the candlelight in a corner of the room

He intrigues me to wonder what our bodies would

Look like through the candlelight on my bed.

Our eyes linger for too long for comfort

Because we each see something in the other’s

Though what is unspoken is often true

I long to tell him there’s something stirring

And this water we’re treading is deeper

Than we both imagined.